I'd been waiting for this opportunity for years, listening to my peers talk about their female clients and wondering when my day would come. A couple weeks ago, I received a session request from a woman named Aria. Ultimately, there are a few crucial steps between the initial contact and actually meeting, so I pinched myself and pushed my excitement into the future. I woke up the next morning to the notification of her deposit, securing her time with me. It was really happening.
I prepared for her session the way I always do, reviewing her booking form, taking notes and letting my mind wander with the details of her kinks, allowing mine to fill in the blanks. Like every scene with a new person, there's only so much preparation I can do. The chemistry of the entire scene doesn't reveal itself until the moment I am present with this new person. There is so much to take in about the way a person presents themselves to me and I feed off of that energy. I always hope for a naturally submissive vibe and Aria did not disappoint. She was nervous and adorable but polite and present. All the things that send my predatory attributes into hyper drive. I've always been turned on by sweetness, I want to hold it down and violate it and this was no exception.
Like putty in my hands, she did everything I told her to and surprised both of us by wanting to do more. For a first timer, she was truly impressive but as the more experienced player, I knew that this was the easy part, this is the fun part. Navigating the potential drop afterwards is another beast and one she will likely be alone for so we stayed in the height of the scene for only a few minutes. As I beat her I could feel the emotional pain being cut open and my cane was the knife. This is what I wait for, dancing in the blood, laughing through the darkness, rejoicing in this pure expression of humanity, something we all share, the feeling of pain. I had wondered if I could beat a woman like I do men, and my answer was here, I could.
I love humiliation play because it is so vulnerable. This person is taking control of their deepest fear and they're appointing me to the helm, I'm the executioner and the only witness. To plunge a person into the depths of their shame means you must also have arms strong enough to pull them out from the depths. One foot in the mud of cruelty and one firmly on the shore of humanity. We went slow and eventually became two people again. After we parted, I rode my top high well into the next day.
As I continue my journey with any new submissive, I love the process of building trust. Entering slowly into the dark realm of their psyche and mine. Two counterpoints, balancing perfectly on a teeter totter, an oily black abyss of shame and fear below. Being human and perfectly inhuman at the same time, the weight of the other being the only thing that keeps you firmly on that plank.
Lovely, little sadist living in Toronto, Ontario. This is my journal, where my brain gets to play.